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Move to the left.
Move to the right.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
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Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
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Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
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Submit your monthly physical report.
Swallow every worm.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
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Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Save yourself for that special orgy.